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Capt Sanjeev Bana's blog

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THE BALLOON VIGYA-PIN

Long time back, during the nostalgic days of Doordarshan when a certain Lalita ji used to preach to Houswives that the real ‘Samajdaari’ lay in buying ‘Surf’ only, another lady in yet another ad, out of frustration with her yellowing white Sari, used to ask her friend as to how come her Sari is whiter (Teri Sari Meri Sari se Safed Kaise?).  The answer used to come out thundering with a signature bolt of lightning from a pack of Super RIN, with the ever popular tagline ‘Super RIN ki Chamkaar- Sabse Safed!’ Since Doordarshan was the only channel available at that time, all of us kids watched every programme with keen interest, from the song and dance extravaganza Chitrahaar to the insufferable Krishi-Darshan.

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AK-47 Amar, Akhbaar, Anthony Goon-salves & the Boo-Farce

Movie Promotion Tagline:
Anthony Loves Fighting, Amar Has The Uniform, Akhbaar Loves To Talk & The Boo-Farce Loves to Boo.

Plot

Col. India of INA, arrives home after his release from a British prison to find his three sons starving and his wife Mrs India gone blind after a failed rape attempt by some political workers.

In a bizzare and fast turn of events everyone is separated. The eldest son Amar is adopted by an Armyman. A few years later he joins the National Defence Academy. The talkative son is adopted by the editor of a prominent newspaper and is renamed Akhbaar. The third son is adopted by a catholic priest in Kerala and is renamed Anthony Goon-salves.

After many years of legendary exploits in the Army earned him the epithet AK-47, both because of his unsparing attitude towards the enemy and his diehard commitment to root out corruption, Amar is finally appointed the Army Chief.

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Anna-Maria

Ever had a girl on Facebook or Orkut you were once friends with, may be just exchanged a few messages and then you drifted apart. May be you closed your account, or she moved you out of her friend list because you were so dormant. And then few years down the lane you see her in a news update on BBC talent, of Golden Globe awards or okay, Fimfare awards hanging onto the left arm of Ranbir Kapoor. Ahh! You hold your head. What a strategic mistake on your part. You should have never stopped being out of touch. You never know which of your penny-friends suddenly turn into pounds. What an error of Judgement. It’s a horrible thing to thing to happen to any Indian, ask me and the resultant regret can be killing. Of course being Indians we have what nobody has, that wonderful masterkey ‘Jugaad’, the quickfix for evething, from a scooter that won’t start to a situation that has gone out of hand.

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Lok Sabha Primary School

We bring a direct telecast of The Lok Sabha  Primary School to you:  The helpless teacher, Miss Meira Kumar has been tied to her chair by the Principal Mrs Pratibha Patil to prevent her from running out of the class. She could do pretty little but smile her very pretty smiles even when she wanted to cane one of those nasty little beasts. “Please, She begged them in the nicest tone possible,” What are you doing children? This is not the way.”  She opened her drawer, checked her lipstick in a little mirror for the benefit of the CCTVs the school has installed in every class & repeated,” Please go back to your seats children, This is not the way.”

No one listened to her. It was a free period and she wanted to give a chance to all students one by one to read their favourite chapters or tell about their experiences. Everybody wanted to speak at the same time. Sushma stuffed her skirt-end into her mouth & sobbed that Sonia always got to speak first. “Don’t cry Sushma!”said Meira, adding saccharine & looking at Sonia with begging eyes, “I’m sure Sonia will not mind if you speak first today.” Sonia nodded ever so subtly and the storm blew over.

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Virat Virat

In 2Virat Kohli, Image from Wikipedia007, in Wankhede stadium in Mumbai, Coach Lalchand Rajput requested Sachin Tendulkar to address the inexperienced boys of the under-19 India team that was shortly to leave for the New Zealand tour. As Sachin stressed the differences in the weather between India and New Zealand and the importance of adjusting to the seaming conditions, the boys looked on, awed by Sachin, hardly registering what he actually said.

And yet, yesterday, one of those star struck boys, Virat Kohli, with his blistering knock of 183 in 148 balls against arch rival Pakistan in Mirpur, Bangladesh, came within the sniffing distance of the ODI double hundred of Sachin Tendulkar. When Virat was asked by one of the newspapers if he was thinking about Sachin's 200 he said, "The thought had crossed my mind, but then I thought I was getting distracted from the job at hand."

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Bhagwa Bhargav & Pinky Panty

The news of the countrywide harassment of Valentine couples by Saffron Brigade in 2012 got overshadowed by bigger news of oncoming state elections. In one town, the basket in a busy tailor shop was getting fuller & fuller. Cotton flags, silk flags, flags of all colours & sizes. Suddenly the Bhagwa silk flag felt something small and soft fall atop him. A fragrant silk pink Panty?? He couldn’t take the insult.

“Get-off! ” He shouted right in one of her leg-holes, "You’re spoiling the basket.”

“You mean…,” said the Panty, seductively, "that I’m spoiling the great culture of this Basket."

“Yes,” said the Bhagwa flag, “that too.”

“Hey! Chill, handsome!” winked the Pink Panty, sliding softly to the side, “By the way, I’m Pinky.  Pinky the Panty, and you?”

The Bhagwa flag stretched to full size and said, "I’m Bhargav. Bhagwa Bhargav!”

“Aye! So James Bond-ish.” whistled Pinky Panty.

Bhagwa Bhargav blushed and changed the topic.

“How come you’re here, and you’re not even new?

“Aw, I’m here for the repairs.”  Pinky Panty winked again, “Broke my elastic & don’t ask me how. It’s kinda non-political.”

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Scientists of Seduction

 “Do you want it or not, Thirty Five Rupees,” said the street-side vendor, waving the thin book in our face. ‘How to win Girls & influence Women’. We wanted it badly. I & Rahul, schoolmates from Kashipur had landed together in Chandigarh for college & shared a third floor room in sector 19-D. Away from home & its resources we were at a serious disadvantage when it came to getting a girlfriend. Between us we had a sports cycle, hardly the stuff you’d expect a girlfriend to sit on, much less hope for a moment of privacy. Every now and then we would see guys zoom away on their bikes with an oh! so pretty things clinging to them, to our heartburn; or a car parked in the lovers lane with the dark glasses rolled up. In short we were going crazy. Yes! Dammit, we needed that book. We didn’t have the money but we were going to use the Science to get the girls and get them by the truckloads and so said the book! And we paid 17.50 each and bought it.

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Uttarakhand Assembly Elections 2012: Spotlight Kashipur: The Significance of the re-election of Mr. Harbhajan Singh Cheema

Shri Harbhajan Singh CheemaThis seems to have been the elections that have foxed the pundits. A reigning BJP chief minister with a ‘clean image’ has been shown the door, an ex ‘CM’ from BJP has barely managed to scrape through and the fringe players hold the power in a hung Vidhansabha.  At the same time, Mr. Harbhajan singh cheema, the two time BJP MLA from Kashipur has registered his third win in a row from the same constituency.

A simple look at the overall tally of seats in Uttarakhand shows that the the Congress has improved 11 seats to take its score to 32 seats from 21 seats in 2007. BJP has come down by 3 seats & BSP is 5 seats down to 3 from 8 seats in 2007. A simple conclusion that the Congress has won these seats at the cost of BJP and BSP would be oversimplification. A seat to seat analysis would presents a much more accurate picture.

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उत्तराखंड विधानसभा चुनाव २०१२ : फोकस काशीपुर श्री हरभजन सिंह चीमा के पुनर्निर्वाचन का महत्व

Shri Harbhajan Singh Cheemaहाल में हुए चुनावों ने तकरीबन सभी चुनावी पंडितों को हैरान-परेशान कर दिया! जहां एक तरफ एक साफ़ सुथरी छवि वाले मुख्यमंत्री श्री खंडूरी को बाहर का दरवाज़ा दिखा दिया गया (भूतपूर्व मुख्यमंत्री निश्शंक जी किसी तरह बच निकले) ! भाजपा को तीन सीटें कम मिलीं और  चुनावी अटकलों का बाज़ार गर्म कर हो गया वहीं काशीपुर से पिछले दो बार के भाजपा विधायक हरभजन सिंह चीमा ने इसी  विधानसभा क्षेत्र से लगातार तीसरी  जीत दर्ज की है ! पूरे उत्तराखंड के चुनावी नतीजों पर एक सरसरी नज़र डालें तो काँग्रेस ने 2007 के मुकाबले में 11 सीटों का सुधार किया है ( 21 सीटें 2007 में-- से 32 सीटें 2012 में). भाजपा और बसपा को क्रमशः 3 और 5 सीटों का नुकसान हुआ है ! सीधे- सीधे कहें तो कांग्रेस को ये फायदा भाजपा और बसपा की क़ीमत पर हुआ है, लेकिन अगर हमें उत्तराखंड के 2012 के नतीजों, वोटरों के मिज़ाज, तेवर और रुझान को समझना है तो थोड़ा और गहराई से देखना होगा !

 

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Full Circle

The wheel has come a full circle. It has come a full circle from that humid Saturday afternoon when I sat restlessly in a yellow Ambassador taxi crawling in the paralysed Kolkata traffic. It was March 2000 and we were the Garrison Battalion housed in the Fort William Calcutta. The night before, I had spoken to a friend’s mother in Ludhiana. My friend, 26 years of age, a 6 footer, the only child of his parents, whom we all called Bawa, an IHM graduate and an excellent Chef with the Sheraton Group had died an untimely death in a bike accident in Delhi the previous year. The life of both the parents now revolved around each other and the Gurudwara, and in checking out his picture albums. When I called up, it turned out that slowly all friends of Bawa got busy with their own lives. When I had called up; His first Bhog was approaching and his mother was inconsolable. She cried like a child and extracted a promise out of me that I would be there for the Bhog. I promised her. “Swear by me” she said. I did and booked the next day afternoon flight through our booking agent.

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